I have witnessed such horror - such terror - that I barely know here to begin. My very faith had been shaken - although it now breaks free of this frail mortal shell and is stronger than ever! Thank the gods!

I had but heard tell of the dread unholy place N'rolav. It was a name as whispered in passing. Told in high places. Spoken in dreams.

Isoyami was kind enough to say he would teach me the dance I needed to get me there - another place perhaps I had not had the foresight to explore the possibilities of.

I followed him clumsily - I did not see it but he assured me we were there. Only on reaching places known well to me was this horror creeping upon me.


Small changes indeed - but so very, very significant. Ghostly memories came to me - memories of what once had been - still was surely only moments before! I confess my mind felt unhinged! I still cannot reconcile my body walking through this husk of the land I know with the soul still tied in the vibrant living land I love! The way to the castle is shut - no mention of my King, my love - as if he did not exist. Yes while I breathe I know he surely does.

And other places - still dangerous to me. Isoyami showed me a safe path - although even here my veins tingled with unspeakable horror. It was there - on the edge of senses and reason and yet palpable as if it touched me!

Then the grave. The grave! To write of it even here in the safety of my land and in the knowledge I have spoken to him since and know him to be safe - a grave! The fallen! How I wish my King were here that I might find solace in his arms. The fallen! Dead and Cold! My king would be able to comfort me and having spoken to my friend he is certainly safe despite this dread sign. And yet - and yet - my dreams haunt me.... I hardly dare to close my eyes.... I have a morbid fascination now - I must see this place again - try and unlock it - for my gods, my King and my own sanity..........

Patience

I thank the gods for teaching me it. I have trained exceeding hard of late - it fills me with a quiet satisfaction.

How wonderful to have entered Cory's own city and to have read the great history to be found in its libraries! The children looked so happy to be there as well they might despite the ever threat on their borders!

Finally I felt the cold of an invasion ingot in my hand - in the dark forest of all places demons spawned and I was there to stop them. By the grace of the gods, at Milltown's northgates an invasion was also quelled. Here I won my new weapon. 'Tis only a spear - a demon spear - of some reckoning. My soul is torn between the skills it gives me and the horror and disgust caused by its unholy manufacture. Somehow a cleric holding a weapon of a minion of Balthazaar makes my very flesh crawl! Yet - as my Lord Dagobert has said - to use the enemies very weapons against him..... solace is to be found.

My heart has found great joy in a message after long, lonely weeks from my love. Just to know I have been in his thoughts is enough.... for now. My heart can bear it.

To gentle sleep now and dreams of him and the next time the gods may bless us to meet.

Tired But Happy!


The day has been long, the road hard and yet it has been truly inspiring and joyous!

I had made my plans as I drifted into sleep last night fresh from the arms of my love that I would train hard and long this day. By the gods blessing and protection I have certainly suceeded in this goal and am happy with myself that I am a good deal nearer the trainers door than I was on waking.

I also wanted to see as much of my dear Lord's land as I could. Ever surprising is the diverse bounty of Valorn. I have become blinkered and forgotten my inquisitive nature surely or I would not have discovered new places today! I realised I had got into a rut while training and so strode out long today to discover places new. I find I have missed opportunities! When I was much weaker I ruled out places such as the ogre village in the forest where I fought briefly today and the leafy canopy that caught my imagination the first day I entered the forest. Ah that life filled roof caught my gaze for many long months!

Today as I climbed and felt the sun and the wind upon my face I discovered creatures I was more than a match for although I had never seen them! Certainly the pelts were fascinating and well worth selling! To walk across the trees was like walking on natures other water - the strange rustling and the 'give' of the leaves most strange! A truly beautiful, if eery, place. Several adventurers were blown over the canopy as I walked it and to see them so much more clearly was a jolt indeed!

The canopy renewed my passion for the nature of the land and I spent more time training hard among the snow and ice of the mountains once more. The frozen waterfall with its diamond facets and the endless snow - it is truly beautiful in its cruelty!

Crossing the desert I knew my heart drew me to Ryndall. I found and bought the thing I sought there with gladness in my heart!

It was with great joy I stumbled on my sister Ildara in Milltown as she met with Abhorr Deathkisse. Today was the wonderful moment of his change to a new life and I was privilaged to see it! It was the first time I have returned to the temple in the desert since that wonderful day when Dagobert took me there. To go back there filled me with great peace. Abhorr was as excited and nervous as I remember myself, but dear Ildara led him with grace. The Lady Edenn was also there - to be in their company was a joy, and I think Abhorr was pleased by the intrusion! As I prayed I felt the power come down as they changed - the initiate and the sponsor - how glorious! And as Abhorr's face shot into the sky in that amazing shaft of light I felt renewed into my own calling somehow - I thank the gods with all my heart for it! I do not know if Abhorr made it to the temple in Branishor this day - brothers Legion had picked Abhorr up at the wall with a view to taking him under - I pray the gods have kept them safe and await their news.

And so after training further to the inn where my heart was filled with gladness for Ixon and Fleur. It has been truly heartbreaking to see Fleur so unhappy in the past and now to see her and Ixon grow in love and respect is inspiring. And now a new joy to their life by the gods will, a child. May all go well with Fleur that the child be delivered safely. Certainly Ixon is attentive! They were like children themselves this night - wrapped in themselves and their love and the gods should be thanked for it! They seemed so...complete. May the gods grant them peace and a long happy life together. They are to be envied.

I think now of my love and how my life seems fulfilled now he is beside me. WHo knows when we will be able to meet again! He carries such a burden on his shoulders and has so much to think of - and yet he seems to be able to spare me time whenever we are together. As I sleep I will hold his gift close and the gift I wait to give and thank the gods for my happiness!

Wonderful day

Another wonderful day in the land I call my true home. My visit to the caravan was sucessful - the babe a delight to all, and especially I. I could see in her the chance of a good life with good people unsullied by raw class.

The only thing that made this lovely reunion less than happy was the ache I felt in my heart to be parted from my love. Every mile in my long slow journey away from Valorn seemed to burn my soul and scar my feet until each step was a pain to bear. And yet - there was some thanks in my heart for it - if ever I realised even more truly my feelings it is now. I need the man that is called King body and soul and there is no denying it to myself, to him or others any longer.

As soon as I returned I sent myself away into the mountains and trained as hard as I could. I met with some of my dear brethren and was heartily gladened by it - but I was uncontent even in the gods work with the desire to see my love. I did not, and still do not, know whether my letters reached him.

Just as the cold was to penetrate me too far, news from a messenger that my love knew of my return and called for me. Not that he ever would call for me - but i fool myself that was the nature of his message! And upon reaching the garden that has become so special to me how happy was I, how content! How truly home in the arms of Deek, my lord, my King!


We spoke of much - and my heart was touched with the uncertainty in the mans heart - he questioned as though he believed I had left to consider my position with him - nothing further from the truth. He knelt and pledged to me what he could - more that I deserve or expected and by the gods it is so much more than mere contentment!

We left for the Dundee Inn surprised to see it all but empty - of course this did not last long and happy times were spent listening to tales of my dearests accession to the throne. It was strange to hear speak of my love as a man the same as all others who sat in the inn today - and yet of course he is! Flesh and blood and life and love. Then reality - he must leave to sort through affairs of state. It is his destiny and I will help him in any way I can.

Love is a funny thing....

As Cold As Ice...

I spend the day training with vigour, but somehow my footsteps seem heavier than usual - I am unsure why. The chill air in the ice cavern today seems to seep into my very bones and freeze me to the core. My weapon almost burns my hands the cold is so intense. I am also today affected by the persons and creatures departed that seem to have been captured as they died far more than before. They now hang like strange paintings within the very walls of ice. There is something disturbing about these beings frozen to the core and yet so real were it not for the ice around them one could reach out and touch them.

I was able to take some rest having wrapped myself in the pelts of the creatures that dwell here. It was too brief alas though, and strangely dreamless....

I did not see my love yesterday - the pain was bitter sweet. I have used the day to pray and train as hard as I can. I sent a letter that in hind sight I should not have done - at least I do not think so. It may bring me much sorrow, although I pray it will not be so. Ah still I must tell myself I say too much too soon that could and perhaps should be left unsaid. If I should see him today, what will he think of me or say to me? Only the gods will know.

I have wrapped his gift in a piece of silk attached inside my tunic by my heart - it brings me great comfort.

But whatever occurs, my soul will be soothed by the sight of his dear face.